Friends, my sweet angel of a dog passed on October 26, just 5 days shy of her 12th birthday. Judy and I have been grieving since, and while we know time will soften this loss, Pumpkin will always live in our home and in our hearts.
There will come a time when I write a story about her, explaining in more detail who she was and what she meant to us, but that time is not yet. Thank you all for caring.
My big baby is hanging in there, toughing it out with a continued sweet disposition. Her 12th birthday is on Halloween, and I think she may make it. How I love her.
Big baby Pumpkin, aka putty nosed Pumpkin, spends more time resting these days, but will still romp and play, if only for a bit. Judy and I totally adore her.
I cherish this dog, and as I watch her age I worry about her and love her all the harder. I also have the sense she is doing the same, in touch with fleeting time. My big baby.
Not having any other place to be, and given that I recently bombed out of my first semester in college, I joined the Navy and went to Boot camp on April 8, 1968.
Boot camp was interesting, as were the times. Those who are old enough will remember the raw emotion of Vietnam and how volatile and alive the 60’s were. My company was comprised of 100 or so of us, with 80 being from New York. This assured a healthy dose of attitude, humor, and drama. As part of that New York mix, I was comfortable and amused, but also singled out by the company commander as someone with attitude. He would take me aside to tell me so but never actually punished me. As those kinds of guys go, he was actually soft and I believe he secretly respected me.
The weeks crawled by and mostly we marched for hours and hours. As it grew hotter outside with very high humidity (Great Lakes, Illinois), all that marching became real work and my body was growing fit and trim. We would also attend classes that were very boring. The only one I remember was about how to guard against venereal disease. That involved washing repeatedly from your knees to your belly button. By now all of us were dreaming of the chance to wash between our knees and belly buttons and sometime in early June we were given day passes to finally get off base.
At 19 I was still shy and unsure of myself. Some of this was covered up by bravado, and even though I almost always had a girlfriend, I was, and am, naturally introverted. On one of these passes late in Boot camp, I took a train alone into Chicago. On the way to wherever I was going to end up, I stopped into a small seedy sausage shop and bought a quick and delicious sausage I could eat while walking. Continuing my easy and long walk I eventually made my way into downtown Chicago and took a seat in a plaza surrounded by tall shiny buildings.
It was then that I saw a very pretty girl, about my age, sitting alone on a bench across from me. She had long curly blonde hair, a blue dress, and a real sweet face. She was so pretty that I anguished about getting up and approaching her. Somehow I mustered the courage and walked over to her. We sat together and talked for awhile and all too soon she said she had to get back to work, but enjoyed our conversation. I asked her if we could meet again next week and she quickly agreed so we set up a time to meet in this same place. I know I was happy and excited as I made my way back to the train station.
At 19, a week is still a long time. How long? Just long enough for a shy and uncertain sailor to begin to have doubts. I did not doubt that she would be there, but I did wonder if she would continue to find me interesting, what we would talk about, and what the point might be since Boot camp would be ending in a few weeks. So I did what shy boys do….I did nothing. I didn’t go, and instead went with some friends to Milwaukee.
While it is true that I am happily married for 44 years, it is also true that it is the things never done that haunt us as we get older. Perhaps I am at an age when these lost opportunities grow larger, while the time I have left grows shorter. And maybe, just maybe, there is a fine looking woman, about my age, who wonders why that nice boy never showed up the following week.
Now 10 1/2 years old and in good health, Pumpkin continues to enjoy her off leash walks. She is loved fully, and returns that joy a hundred times over. What a gift she is.
(click it to see it)
did you ever know
when you broke my heart in two
you freed a lost boy
this thing called aging
sickness waiting in shadows
will strike like a snake
the six million knew
abandoned by any god
died in their own filth
© 2013 Michael Fiveson
© 2013 Michael Fiveson
The older I get, the less I know. Or maybe I’m just open to all sorts of possibilities, including the very real possibility that much of what we have been taught may not be true. This includes the notion of heaven and hell, an afterlife, even a supreme being. Much of that does not survive the logic and intelligence test for me. It may all be true, some of it may be true, or none of it. So I’ll go with a door to the afterlife, everything is in black and white, and there is an endless supply of chocolate. And women, lots of women.
© 2012 Michael Fiveson
laughter filled this yard
and then the years fell away
adults now, still loved
the still of country
sweet breezes and lemonade
life is slipping by
I have tasted joy
quiet mornings spent with you
that’s my religion
at 21 I looked into
a bright blue cloud filled sky
and marveled
at the profound beauty
at 31 I looked into
my young son’s
brilliant eyes
and marveled still
at 41 I looked at
the future
believing
I was still young
at 51 I started
to avert my gaze
hesitant to look
as I began to hurt
at 61 I am embarrassed
to live
in such a greedy country
and I marvel
at how small we are
all of us
collectively
pathetically
looking for meaning
when perhaps
there is little to be found
outside of bright eyes
and blue skies
Mike's Look at Life 